The leaves are falling, the wind is chilly, and the days are getting longer. Halloween is right around the corner, and that means you’re going to be seeing zombies. They’re everywhere—in movies and TV shows, hanging out at parties, even chasing people during fun runs. The point is, zombies are quite active this time of year, and unfortunately, there’s a good chance they aren’t living their zombie life to the fullest. Why? Because they can hardly see. Many zombies take pride in their partially deteriorating bodies, but I think we can all agree that letting your vision worsen and stay that way is just irresponsible. Plenty of people need LASIK, and so do zombies. Here’s why.
It’s pretty well known that zombies spend most of their time staggering around until something catches their eye, and then they’re off to the races. It’s also pretty well known that they aren’t super adept at bypassing obstacles. Lots of stumbling over chairs, running full tilt into glass doors—you know what we’re talking about. Most of that could probably be avoided with the crystal clear vision that LASIK can provide. No more awkwardly piling up against a door because Gary couldn’t see that it was locked until the last second.
You know what really helps when you’re wandering around in the middle of a huge city or out on the back roads in the country? Being able to read a sign. So many zombies end up aimlessly wandering because they got lost and can’t figure out that they need to take I-25 and then look for Exit 8b on the left. Gary was in charge of the map, but of course he was too proud to admit he could barely read it, and now here you are. You know those zombies that are always popping out of nowhere in the woods when protagonists leave the road? Yeah, they need LASIK. Everyone would win.
Zombies have to keep their head on a swivel. Sure, they’ve got some mindless tendencies, but no one wants to die…again. So zombies have to be on the watch for the constant hunting parties that come out to destroy them. Ever heard the expression, “Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose?” Well, what their hearts are full of is a different story, but if a zombie wants to survive when humans start making a comeback and getting all chainsaw happy, they’re going to need some clear vision. Let’s be honest, Gary isn’t going to make it, but the zombies who’ve had LASIK will at least have a biting chance. Did we say biting? Fighting. A fighting chance.
It can be rough out there for a zombie who isn’t prepared. So whether you’re just dressing up as a zombie for Halloween, or you’re an actual zombie in New Jersey who’s tired of having to choose between contacts and glasses, give us a call today and find out if you’re a good candidate for LASIK.
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